Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Pondering Drunkenness


Have you ever read a story in a newspaper that you just could not bring yourself to believe? It is one of those little news stories buried deep inside the newspaper. You know the ones I'm speaking of...they are located on the side of the page, in small print, that only the most devoted newspaper reader finds. It is the kind of story that is so stupid and crazy that it can only happen somewhere else...in a distant state or country...because you are certain no one around where you live would ever do something that stupid.

I have. In fact, it happened to me this past weekend. I was at work and a co-worker asks me if I had read the Saturday paper. "Of course," I replied. "I always read the paper from cover to cover."

"Did you read about the drunk and the Opossum," he asked?

I laughed. "No. I guess I didn't see that one."

"Well, you just gotta read this," he said pointing to a small story located on the side of the back page at the bottom.

I picked up the paper and began to read. The more I read the more I laughed. It seems a man named, Donald Wolfe, from Pennsylvania, was arrested for "public drunkenness" when police found him trying to give "mouth-to-mouth resuscitation" on a possum that was "long-dead" and lying "along a highway." I laughed so hard I could hardly finish reading the little clip of news because my eyes were so filled with the water of hilarity.

Later, I pondered Mr. Wolfe's actions and the events that brought him to his ignoble fame. How drunk does a person have to be to perform life-saving measures on a dead and decaying possum along the road? How many friends did he reassure that night that he was perfectly able to handle his alcohol? Was he influenced to drink the brand of alcohol he drank because some commercial promised that drinking it would bring him nice cars, beautiful women, and a happy life? I wondered, too, if the police had him on video as he tried to be a possum hero? Finally, I wondered if his wife...if indeed he has one...would ever be able to kiss his lips without thinking of that fateful night when Mr. Wolfe locked lips with a possum?

2 comments:

Joey said...

I saw that one in the paper, too! I died laughing! So, so Foxworthy!

I finally figured out to follow you on here. I'm going to try to see if I can follow using my Wordpress profile, but for now this one will have to do.

Love ya, Pop!

jmustain said...

Now who's encouraging whom to write more?