Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Pondering Life's Unanswered Questions

There are many questions that life throws at us. For most questions, the answer eventually comes to us. However, there are those questions that just nag at us because there doesn't seem to be answers for them. Here are some of the more perplexing ones...

1. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

5. How did the fool and his money GET together in the first place?

6. Why does Hawaii have interstate highways?

7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?

9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

14. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

15. Why do they put Braille on the drive through ATM's?

16. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

17. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

18. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

19. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

20. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?

21. How come there aren't B batteries?

22. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?

23. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

24. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

25. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

26. How is it possible to have a civil war?

27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

28. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

29. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

30. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song?

31. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

32. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

33. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

34. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

35. How do you throw away a garbage can?

36. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

37. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

38. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

39. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

40. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

41. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

42. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

43. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

44. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

45. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

46. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

47. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

48. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

49. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at carpeting?

50. What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If you have the answers to any of the above questions, please leave a comment because we are all just dying to know.

This list of questions has been adapted and edited from http://baetzler.de/humor/things_hmmm.html.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

Just want to say, "HAPPY THANKSGIVING" to everyone. I hope you have a wonderful holiday filled with family, food, and fun.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

More on 70 Years of Marriage

At a reception at the Northside Church of Christ’s building on Highway 62, Representative Steven R. Stemler honored Frank and Mary Harris on November 6, by conveying on them the distinction of Honorary State Representatives for their marriage of 70 years.

Family and friends were on hand for the celebration. “I just can’t believe it,” said Frank Harris, “we don’t deserve any of this.” He continued, “This is the best weekend of our entire marriage.”

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Pondering Unemployment

On Wednesday morning, October 27, 2010, my old boss called me into his office and fired me.

The emotions that followed came over me in raging waves...sadness, fear, anger (lots of anger). If it has never happened to you, trying to imagine it will not even come close.

But...beyond the emotions...beyond the new job serch...life goes on.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Pondering Seventy Years of Marriage

Seventy years is a long time, an entire lifetime for many.

For Frank and Mary Harris, commonly called Grandpa and Nina, seventy years is how long they have been married. While theirs is not the longest marriage on record (86 years), it is, arguably, the best marriage on record.

Frank and Mary joined hands in Holy Matrimony on November 5, 1940, in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

The world was a much different place in 1940. The United States of America only consisted of 48 states and nineteen more years would pass before that number would grow to 50. People in 1940 used slang terms like ameche, b.y.t., bag, barouche, city slicker, corny, grotty, gobbledygook, fuddy-duddy, etc. Gallahadion won the 65th running of the Kentucky Derby that year. Due to the war overseas, it was announced to the world that for the first time since 1877, there would be no Wimbledon event that year (nor for the next five years), nor would there be any Olympic games. Indiana won the NCAA Basketball title, the Cincinnati Reds won the World Series, the Chicago Bears won the NFL Championship, and Lawson Little won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament. In 1940, Walt Disney amazed people with his second and third films, Pinocchio and Fantasia. The year 1940 also saw the introduction of Woody Woodpecker, the Jeep, FM radio (although it was still very early in its development), Frank Sinatra’s singing debut in Indianapolis, Tom & Jerry, the first televised Hockey, Basketball, Baseball games, and the first McDonald’s restaurant. The first successful helicopter flight took place in 1940, and the first military parachute company was formed. CBS was just beginning, operating as W2XAB.

Nina and Grandpa were married in 1940 on the very day FDR whipped the Republican, Wendell Willkie, and commanded the office of President for an unprecedented third term.

Speaking of Presidents, Nina and Grandpa’s marriage has spanned 13 presidencies: Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and now Barack Obama.

The marriage of Nina and Grandpa has also adjusted to many new inventions (some of them far earlier than you might think. For instance, both the computer and Velcro were invented in 1940. Since then the Slinky, Microwave Ovens, Bikinis, Polaroids, Credit Cards, Satellites, Lasers, Mobile Phones, Walkmans, and MP3 players. They have had to adjust from the Ice Box to the Refrigerator, from getting Milk and Dairy products delivered to their door to having to buy it in the super market.

On November 5, 1940, while the Nation was voting on its leaders, Frank and Mary cast a very special vote of their own: they voted for each other. They voted for building a family devoted to God, a life of service to their Creator and His church, their country, their family, and their friends. Their vote was so strong that not even death will be able to veto it. Long after they have departed to be with the Lord, their influence will be helping others to cast the same faithful vote.

Even today, after seventy years of marriage, you can just see the pure love in their eyes as they look at each other and hold each other’s hand. As one might expect at their age their hearing is not as good as it used to be, but when they look deeply into each other’s eyes they are living proof of the ancient proverb that says, “When two people are in love they communicate a thousand things without saying a word.”

Frank and Mary Harris are a wonderful couple with an amazing marriage. The world would do well to hold before it their great example of true love marriages.